I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
