You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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