so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
