you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
