i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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