FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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