She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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