you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize