Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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