What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
A bitchslap is in order.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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