I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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