At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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