Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize