Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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