I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
