ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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