There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize