Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
