Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
