Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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