i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
