i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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