I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
