Have you finally orgasmed yet?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
