Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
