How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
