Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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