Tell her she can't have a vagina
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
