hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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