my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize