is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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