he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
