remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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