whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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