if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
