...so i touched it.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
