We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
