It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
