I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
