Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
