He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
