I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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