Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
