You just made me feel so damn special
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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