Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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