If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
3 2 1 whiskey
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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