I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
