yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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