Christians are straight up FREAKS
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
