I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize