i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
