I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize