She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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