remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
God I need to hump something, right now.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize