it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
