Did you just see the Batmobile???
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
