I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
