remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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