dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
