rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
