I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
