the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
