Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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