Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
