i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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