I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
