Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
nutella sex= disaster
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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