Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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