please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
