the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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