i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
