You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
