her vagine was all disorganized.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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