I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
