Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
