do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I have already put on my inside pants.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
