Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
