I heard we made out
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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