so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize