You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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