I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
