is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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