so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I stole a fireplace last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
