last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
