Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
