I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
