on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
