It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
never play flip cup with pint glasses
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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