Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
well you can't waste a boner
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Randomize
