dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
