If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize