im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
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