I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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