Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I just had sex on a roof
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
