The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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