He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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